"The Other Side" in relation to the boys is the Actuality (and unrepresentability) of them in relation to the abstract (but existing) children who we did not adopt: the lists of characteristics that we might or might not be able to cope with, the imaginings, the vicarious griefs and joys. These were never actual children that were considered - the boys were the first real children we were told about - but attributes to do with health, developmental potential, biographical trauma and so on.
So in that sense we are suddenly on the live side - which though not directly opposite to bereavement is very much in a different direction and that we are so thankful that our hopes have turned to a reality so boundlessly unimaginable.
